Curbside Cupcakes

Curbside Cupcakes was fighting a losing battle from the start.  Despite the fact that it was my inaugural D.C. food truck, it faced the disadvantage of an aggressive and judgemental reviewer.  It’s really rather unfair for Curbside Cupcakes to have such an experienced professional judging them, but that’s no excuse for mediocrity.  Would an Olympic judge cut Kerri Strug any slack just because she was obviously injured while competing for the glory of her country?  Absolutely not, they gave her the gold because she was an excellent gymnast (not to mention warrior, hero, and true American). Similarly, my standards are paramount, and as an esteemed judge I will not be cutting any slack if baked goods do not perform to the highest standards.

I inquired what Curbside Cupcakes’ best flavors were and was directed to try the Cookies & Cream.  The cake was subpar and I could have easily made something better from a box from the grocery store.  The rich and creamy frosting was the one redeeming quality.  For the cake to taste as bland as it did, I’d at least hope for some fancypants frosting job (including, but not limited to: sprinkles, flowers, rainbows, or a monogram of my initials), for aesthetic pleasure, but I was not indulged.  If the Cookies & Cream is what Curbside Cupcakes has to offer at its best, I’m not impressed.  Naturally I had two cupcakes to properly research, but the Strawberry was even worse.  It tasted like a strange muffin with frosting.  Regina George described this pseudo-pastry best as “kind of socially retarded and weird.”  This was a social outcast in the cupcake world.  In fact, I’m frightened to think of what the others tasted like (and I certainly won’t be finding out. See you soon Crumbs).  For the sake of this review, Curbside Cupcakes would have been better off if I’d ignored the advice of what was “best,” and ordered something else.  At least then there would have been a small shred of hope that I was to blame for not heeding their advice and that there were greener pastures ahead.  Unfortunately I can’t even give them this small piece of credit.  The only reason to go to Curbside Cupcakes is if you’re not passionate about your cupcakes and have low standards (hopefully this is no one I associate with).

Curbside Cupcakes was kind of like going on a first date with someone you met at the bar over the weekend.  At first, the idea of going on a date with the person you made fun of for two hours while sloshing back Bud Lights seems exhilarating and adventurous.  However, as the date progresses and you realize you’d rather be playing back your Draw Something competitors, the excitement wanes and you realize you could care less if you ever see the said date again, or eat another Curbside Cupcake again.  It was fun while it lasted (debatable) but you certainly won’t be back for a second date, or cupcake.  

http://www.curbsidecupcakes.com/menu-schedule/all-the-flavors/